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Turkey Demystified *measurements are approximate

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It's December, and I'm in the checkout aisle of my local grocer. To pass the time, I scan the headlines of the magazines, and am met with a wall of curly, illegible fonts promising me, "10 steps to Mashed Potato Bliss!"and "How to light ANY colour candle in just 6 easy steps!!". I'm worried. I mean, what kind of epic illumination have I missed out on? I use only three steps to light a candle. 1) Yay, candles! 2) Rummage in vain for lighter. 3) Use "light switch" light instead. LIKE A BOSS.

Then, there's the inevitable propaganda and fear-based campaigning around The Turkey.

I think we can all agree that turkey-themed holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and sometimes Easter) occur annually. We can also agree that for most of the year, we're culinary ninjas when it comes to fowl. We bake, broil and BBQ with confidence, and even take failure in stride.(Working with quail is like trying to baste a paper kite.) But present us with a turkey, and we're calling Mom for advice. Why? Because she's somehow managed to retain the magical turkey knowledge that we can not, despite the decades of repetition. Even crazier, when we DO find a recipe that works- it apparently works only once. Here's the "logic"... FACT: This recipe worked on the last turkey. FACT: That turkey is gone. FACT: This is a new turkey. HALLUCINATION: -and calls for an entirely new approach.

Last Christmas was a milestone for me, because my Mom supported me to handle the whole turkey thing on my own. Except she said, "Stop hassling me every single year, and write this sh*t down." Anyhow, this unprecedented act of disloyalty prompted me to find my own path to turkey goodness. How hard can it be? Turkey is just a big chicken, after all.

So, from my table to yours, please enjoy "The Jeni Gunn Definitive Guide To Cooking a Turkey".*measurements are approximate.

Happy Holidays!!! Thanks for reading!

Jeni Gunn

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